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专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?!

2016-07-27 来源: 今日澳洲App 评论22条

“那天悉尼的晚霞很美,他们说那是我的天使离开了世间……”

专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 1
专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 2

一晃两年,Ben显然还没能从悲伤中走出来。又到了爱子Ryan的祭日,这个40岁男人的生活还停留在出事的那一天。他的脑海里,仍在不断闪现着无影灯下那混乱晃眼的场景,那拥挤手术室里的蓝白大褂们,那一双双伸向儿子身体的手……

在悉尼市中心一处街角咖啡店,Ben两年来第一次接受了记者的专访。身形壮硕却略有些驼背的他陷在角落沙发里,一件洗褪色的衬衣敞着领口,棒球帽下露出斑斑白发。还没开口,已经红了眼圈。

6岁生命走完一个小小的圆

两年前的这一天,2014年7月28日。因为表现出色,在MQ银行工作的他获准提早下班。也就是在回家的火车上,他接到了孩子妈妈打来的电话。电话那头只是简单说了句“Ryan被车碰了”,就匆匆挂断。Ben本来没太紧张,儿子这时候应该在Hurstville学跆拳道,放学高峰期人流熙熙攘攘,“也许只是被车轻轻刮了蹭了”,他想。不过,当火车经过Allawah时,他的一颗心猛然揪了起来。

专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 3

“在火车上,我可以看到事故现场,就在Ryan的跆拳道馆外。那么多的警车和救护车,周围是密密麻麻的人群,我一下子就慌了”。Ben得知儿子已被送到了St George医院,下了火车立刻打了个的士,催促司机一路高速赶到了医院大门口。

下出租车的时候,Ben开始止不住发抖,哆哆嗦嗦连钱包也掏不出来。司机大哥明白发生了什么,二话不说就把单免了。

专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 4

Ben已经记不清自己是怎么跌跌撞撞闯进急救病房的了,一路上都有人为他默默侧身指路,所有人都知道他是孩子的父亲。“当我跑进病房时,我的头嗡的一下就麻了。很多细节都模糊了,有人伸手扶住了我,还有人拿走了我的大衣和背包。我只记得当时病房里很多很多人,Ryan躺在那里,无数双手在他小小的身体上忙碌……”

St George医院是Ryan出生的地方。他在这个世界上生活了仅仅2383天,又在同一个地方被宣告不治,短短的生命至此走完了一个小小的圆。

Ben最后一次和Ryan外出吃饭,是4天前自己的生日;在Ryan过世的第二天清晨,他妈妈的生日蛋糕被准时送到了家里……从那以后,每年的7月都是Ben最难熬的时期,生日、结婚纪念日、祭日……极度的喜悦和悲伤,都集中在短短不到两周的时间里,让他无所适从,也无从逃避。

专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 5

逼自己回忆这一幕显然很残忍,Ben哽咽着沉默了许久。他噙满眼泪的目光越过窗棂,直直地看向远处高楼之间留下的窄窄天空。

“心口每天都是鲜血淋漓”

Ryan是这个家庭的第一个孩子,2008年1月呱呱坠地。当第一次把他轻轻抱进臂弯,看着他粉嫩可爱的小脸时,Ben知道,自己的生命从此因他而完整。

Ben对孩子毫无疑问是有点溺爱的。白天繁忙工作之余,下班到家还要负责给儿子喂奶、拍嗝、洗尿布。

“那是我生平第一次接触粪便,不仅不觉得恶心,反而觉得很温暖。”Ben说,“这时候才能真正体会什么是父亲,什么是父母恩”。爱得深自然情更切,但也正因为如此,困扰着他迟至今日也无法从悲伤中走出来。

事发后,Ben一度陷入严重的心理抑郁。他被要求接受精神病院评估,如果不是需要料理儿子的后事,他险些被强制安排住院治疗。直到两年后的今天,他还需要定期接受心理辅导。

“最初那段日子真的没法想象。严重失眠,几天几夜没法闭眼。特别怕安静,静下来就忍不住会想念Ryan,于是时时刻刻戴着耳机。也不能听音乐,只有听评书、相声、讲座,这些语言类的节目能帮助我分心。”最严重的时候,除了洗澡,他几乎24小时戴着耳机。

Ben不久就远远地搬离了Hurstville。除了周年祭,他尽可能避免再靠近这处伤心地。电脑上孩子的照片都被刻意隐藏起来,不能被看到。Ryan用过的所有物件,细到牙刷和被鲜血染上大片红褐色的道服,Ben都保留着,但从来不敢去翻看。

专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 6

“每当想起Ryan,就好像被人在心窝最脆弱的地方狠狠捅了一刀”,他说,“这听起来好像是小说桥段,但没有经历过的人怎么能体会?在过去的两年里,我的心口每天都是鲜血淋漓。”

“我不可能真正开心起来,哪怕一次”

悲剧发生后,Ben与几乎所有的朋友都断了联系。倒不是要刻意逃避,他实际上很清楚自己要尽快走出去。不过,他再也没法面对其他家庭的同龄孩子。那对他而言,无异于一次次提醒自己这个血淋淋的事实。

“有一天晚上看朋友圈,看到一个老朋友发了一条消息,‘我们家的宝宝读3年级了!’我当时实在没忍住,一个人大哭了一场”。Ben用手指擦拭着眼角,“别人家的孩子都在慢慢长大,而我的Ryan,只能永远停留在6岁的那一天了。”

Ben花了一年的时间,告诉自己要面对事实。他注册了新的微信,加了新的朋友。在不知道他遭遇的新朋友面前,Ben才能简短地“谈笑风生”,才能有偶尔所谓的“快乐”。

去年9月份,案件开庭审理,Ben在法庭外被一众媒体拍到。在新结识的朋友圈里,他被大家认出,重新又被贴上“Ryan父亲”的标签。“我不得不删掉一部分好友重新开始”,Ben轻轻地叹了口气,“他们都是善良的人,可是即便是关切的眼神,都会让我想起过去,想起Ryan,我想我还是过不了自己这一关”。

“我很清晰地感觉到,我的人生从那一天开始,也不再会有延续。我不可能再真正开心起来,哪怕一次。”

“在道德和良心面前,她过得了自己那一关?”

车祸发生那天,就在Ben接到妻子电话前不到一小时,6岁的Ryan正由保姆开车送往跆拳道学校的路上。据法庭文件显示,保姆当时在Durham街边停车,坐在后座身着白色道服的Ryan自行下车,绕过车头准备过马路时,被一辆驶过的汽车当场撞飞。

专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 7

车中的保姆“没来得及”下车,肇事司机也并未明显刹车,这两位涉事者都是华人,都是女性。时隔两年,Ben心底一直过不了她们两人那一关。

“保姆承认开车的时候曾经多次违章,她好几次把车停在两个街口外,让Ryan一个人单独横穿马路去找她。我知道她现在还在用同样的方法帮别人带孩子,甚至是自己的孩子,这是件很可怕的事。”

“从最初跟我说‘对不起’,到后来说‘太不幸了’,她的态度转变得很微妙。” Ben说,“事情已经这样,我不是要怪罪于她,我只想知道当时到底发生了什么。我也希望她检讨自己,不要让这样的悲剧再次发生。”

至于肇事司机,Ben至今未能收到过来自她的任何信息,她甚至都从来没有出过庭,这让Ben很愤慨。

专访:一位天使的离开 父母要承受着怎样的痛?! - 8

“作为一个成年人,我理解她已经在法律范畴下接受了调查和审判。不过,在道德和良心面前,她也是一位母亲,她难道就能真的过自己那一关?”

“我不是要报复她,怎么样报复也换不回我的Ryan。我只是希望,她终有一天能站出来面对,面对我和面对这场悲剧,给我个交代。两年也好,哪怕十年、二十年。”

温暖和冷漠形成巨大反差

悲剧发生后,Ben感受到了来自各方的温暖,他特别想感谢悉尼西南区华人基督教会的教友们当年的雪中送炭。不过,也有些机构,让他觉得“冷血”和难以接受。

“Ryan出事后,他生前就读的Oatley公立学校联系了我,主动检讨在安全教育方面可能存在的不足,这让我很感动。学校在校园里开辟了一个小角落,用‘Ryan花园’来命名,藉此提高孩子们的安全意识,这是最让我欣慰的地方”。

Ben说,“Ryan已经离开了,这个代价如果能换来更多平安幸福的家庭,他这短短6年的生命也就更有价值”。相比而言,“Hurstville市政府做了什么?跆拳道馆又做了什么?”

“我去找过市政府,建议他们在事发路段修一条供小孩子过马路的人行横道,建议设立永久警示牌,提醒当地曾经发生过的悲剧和安全隐患,建议跆拳道学校改善运营措施,确保未成年学员和接送家长们的安全”,他说,“这也许可以避免另一出悲剧,挽救另一个生命。”

“不过,你可能没法想象,当我给市政府打电话,告诉他们我是谁时,对方说的第一句话并不是‘我们怎么可以帮到你’,而是‘你想要什么’。在我看来,这实在是很冷血,也太残酷。”

陌生人的温暖和来自市政府的冷漠,形成了巨大的反差,这让Ben耿耿于怀,无法释然。

就在两年祭日临近之际,记者在事发街头看到,仍然有家长带着小孩在违章横穿马路,时不时有车辆明显超限速飞驰而过。跆拳道馆附近路面新修了一条窄窄的减速带,大部分往东行驶的车辆,都选择了轻打方向盘绕过而非减速慢行。车辆与行人的斗智斗勇,依然在这条繁忙的马路上日日上演。

采访后记

当年的新州公路上,共有309人死于非命。数以千计的家庭成员因此饱受折磨,而Ben只是其中之一。

因为长期戴耳机和抑郁,Ben对噪音变得极度敏感。就在采访开始前,他特意起身要求侍应生调小了店里的背景音乐,这声音让他莫名烦躁。

Ben其实很盼望能走出困境,却又无可奈何。他说,“我希望这两年只是做了一场梦,有一天醒来,Ryan依然笑着跑过来,扑进我的怀里。”

在长达3个小时的访问时间里,Ben的眼圈一直是红的,眼球上布满血丝。他恳请记者帮他在传媒圈内寻找一张照片,2014年7月28日黄昏时,曾令所有人惊艳的悉尼晚霞照片。Ryan的墓碑还光着,他想把这张照片印在上面。

“他们都说,那是天使离开了世间……”

“是的,离开的就是我最爱的那个”。

关键词: 天使车祸火车
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今日评论 网友评论仅供其表达个人看法,并不表明网站立场。
最新评论(22)
Yu H
Yu H 2019-09-06 回复
节衰順便,愿您的小孩在世界另一端快快樂樂。那個保姆負责任最大,同殺人犯有區別嗎?
哈哈镜啦
哈哈镜啦 2019-09-06 回复
做人父母的真的看到這個新聞太傷心了,眼淚止不住的流,希望Ryan小天使繼續快樂地在天堂,天佑Ben的家人
土澳居民zObLu
土澳居民zObLu 2019-09-09 回复
看着就伤心,太伤心了。只能说节哀,再要一个孩子也无法弥补,可是尽量再要一个孩子吧!也许你的ryan知道你这么爱他,就托着弟弟的身又回来了。
Tom
Tom 2018-07-27 回复
Ryan 的父亲Ben LEO于2015年9月出席悉尼法庭聆讯时,向法庭及公众所做的陈词全文如下,分享在这里,做个纪念吧: Your Honour Ladies and Gentlemen, My name is Ben LEO and I am Father of Ryan LEO. First of all, I would like to thank Your Honour, Court Officers, Barristers and Solicitors, Police Officers, Officials from MSW Education Department, Ryan\'s School Master and Teachers, all the witnesses and the interpreters, even the journalists and reporters, including the camera men who have been waiting outside trying to film me against my true will, though with a good intention which I appreciate. I thank each and every one of you for your presence at this inquest. I think you have done a great job providing my family with acknowledgement, comfort and love. I want all of you to know that your dedication and efforts are also acknowledged. Mark Twain once said, \'The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.\' I believe I have found my second one on that particular day. On that day, 19 January, 2008, at St. George Public Hospital, was Ryan born. For the first time I held him in my arms, looking at his tender loving face, I knew I was born as Father of Ryan. The connection I had with him was the closest connection I could ever had with another human being. My life was completed by him... However, never did I know that my life would be torn apart forever because of him before long. Only 2,383 days later, on 28 July, 2014, I was called to St George Public Hospital where he was announced dead after being severely injured in the head. He closed his life circuit at the same place he was born, without suffering as said. His little body was then taken to a morgue frozen, just as my heart. As add-ons to his tragic departure, the last dinner I had with him was on my birthday, only four days prior, and on the next day his Mother\'s birthday cake was delivered on time... Filled with joy, laughter and love, Ryan\'s life wasn\'t very long, yet it was long enough to brighten up mine and many others\'. He was a gorgeous happy boy with charming and breathtaking smiles. He was very thoughtful as well. When he was 2 years old, he could try to draw your attention pleasing you when he noticed that you were upset. When he was 4 years old, he had stopped talking cautiously when he realised his words might have made you unhappy. He then rephrased his expression in a pleasing way. His such character was precisely captured in his school master\'s statement, \'He loved to know that he was pleasing other students and teachers.\' His tender loving care paid off eventually. There were a little bit less than 300 people gathered on his funeral, making farewell to him. \'His funeral was undoubtedly one of the most outstanding and touching ones among the 20 thousand funerals I have arranged.\' said by his funeral organizer on a one-year anniversary greeting card. To me, Ryan was more than a child. He was the eldest in his generation in both of our family trees. He was supposed to be strong and tough to lead his siblings after I pass away. He carried not only my surname but also all of my hopes and expectations. He was the miracle which redefined my life. He was the inspiration which reshaped my relationship with my own parents. He was my playmate who brought childhood back to me - I always used him as an excuse to buy the toys I liked. He gave me feelings of belonging that with his company I would never feel weak and lonely. He was my mentor who showed me what Fatherhood was like. He turned me into a man from a rebellious boy. He was my teacher who taught me that love was all about caring, compromising and giving. Dramatically at the end, in an extreme way, he showed me how significant a loss could be and how deeply a sorrow could reach. Recently, one year after his withdrawal, something revealing from his life and death gradually came into my view. That is LOVE. Yes, Love, the most frequently used word in any context of Ryan. Just as Your Honour\'s input, \'He was obviously a loving son, who was also extremely loved.\' He was embraced by love upon his birth and had been immersed in love all through his 6 years\' short life. And I was so glad and proud to witness that he had been giving his love back in return. Your Honour, I have no intention to put blames on anyone\'s shoulder. Because I know there\'s pretty much only one weapon I can use to fight against sorrow and grief - that\'s not hatred but love. As a father who has lost his eldest son, I would like to take the liberty of making my wishes to the public: I wish parents with young kids always to remember how precious our children are. Always tell them how much you love them. Pay close attention to them until they reach a certain age. Never leave them under the care of someone that is not accountable. Never forget you are the ultimate person who should be responsible for your children. I wish you all could learn a lesson without having to go through what I have been through. I wish all carers always to remember what great responsibility you are taking when taking a job of looking after someone. Ask yourself if you are willing and ready to take that responsibility. Also assess yourself if you are capable to take it. A little mistake or ignorance may compromise other people\'s health or even lives. I wish all drivers to always remember that you are sharing the road with all other road users. Most of us here today drive. I think it\'s hard to deny that occasionally we may go slightly beyond the speed limit when there are no speed enforcements, especially on well known roads. Also it\'s not uncommon to find drivers being distracted by mobiles, GPS devices, car audio or even just simply being absent-minded for no reason. I would like to take you back to a paragraph I studied when I was a learner: Road User\'s Handbook - NSW RMS * Section 3, Page 50 Sharing the Road with pedestrians It says, \'As a driver you are legally required to give way to a pedestrian at crossings and when turning at intersections. However, you should always be prepared to stop for pedestrians.\' This implies that there is no SAFE speed. It does not necessarily mean that as long as you are driving within speed limit, there is nothing you could or should do. Not being held for legal liabilities does not help to release moral burdens. When approaching a well-known road, especially when expecting children around, you should always be on alert for any potentially arising hazards. Never underestimate the consequence of reducing speed. Reducing speed, even by a little, could significantly alter the consequence of the impact. I wish all other improvements to be put into place for public interests. I am glad to see some positive results. For example the school policy and protocol have been effectively updated and improved. From my observation, I think the road safety issues remain on Darham Street. The need of a pedestrian crossing is still badly revealing. I won\'t give up my pursuit for a pedestrian crossing on Darham Street, a memorial plaque to raise awareness of road safety and effective operational improvements from the Taekwondo School to ensure safety of their students and so on... I wish all these could happen sooner. Because if it happens one day earlier, or even one hour earlier, it could have saved another life. I finally would like to say this inquest has been very informative and meaningful to me and my family. I gratefully appreciate the time put in, the information collected. The inquest will end soon, but our love to Ryan will surely remain ever-lasting. I wish you could forget about my name, replacing it with Ryan\'s name. I wish all the witnesses could forget the brutal scene of that day, replacing it with Ryan\'s bright charming smiles. I wish all of us could move on to embrace our new life with the inspiration of this little loving angel. Ryan told me once, \'Love is the most powerful thing in the world.\' Since the accident, I felt the power of love from my friends who stayed with me all the time; from strangers who had provided us with a lot of comfort, convenience, support and help; from St. George Hospital staff who volunteered to work on weekends just to enable us to visit Ryan at the morgue anytime; from South-west Christian Church group who helped us to arrange Ryan\'s funeral in their church hall with catering receptions free of charge; from the teachers and kids of Oatley Public School who built a permanent garden on their campus and named after Ryan; from Elite Funeral Company, from Southerland Cemetery, from the Police and the Court Officers, from CEO of Macquarie Bank and HR staff, as well as my manager and colleagues, also from so many individuals and parties that I cannot name them all here. Every member of this society has been very kind, caring and supportive to us. I will remember all the love stories for the rest of my life. My sincere gratitude is beyond the word\'s description. Please accept my gratitude, now and always... Just like the tribute I left for Ryan, \'When you were there, I often felt that you were faraway because I could not be with you all the time. When you are no longer there, I feel that you are so close because I know that you could be everywhere - and I believe, you are! At last, Your Honour, can I please make a proposal to the inquest? I propose, for one time - maybe for the first time ever, to end an death inquest at the Coroner\'s Court with smiles. We smile back to Ryan, with gratitude of having him with us once and being with us forever. Ryan, you shall rest in peace! And you shall rest in love!! Daddy loves you forever ever... ...
土澳居民ZibUh
土澳居民ZibUh 2016-07-28 回复
该条评论因违规被举报,已自动触发屏蔽机制。
Elf Clean
Elf Clean 2019-09-10
看完你写的,我的心好痛,好痛。祝福你的家人余生平安,让灾难慢慢淡.......


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